I almost don’t know where to begin. Well, almost isn’t quite true; I really don’t know where to begin. I feel like most days I have things under control but then throw in a weekend or an extra parent and BAM…. I suck.
Anyone who has a husband that works/travels alot knows that you get into a routine with getting things done yourself. Not only do you get into that routine but the kids do as well. They know when they need to buck up and help out and when they can test their limitations. We are all very excited when Daddy is home and I am excited to hang out with an adult again. But it can be incredibly annoying and destructive when he comes in, screws up the routine AND makes me feel like I’m the messed up one. And not to mention the kids can’t figure out what to do so they are naturally horrible little monsters.
I get it. I get that he pushes himself to the limits to support us and give us all the best life ever. But none of it means anything to me if when he is here, it’s pure madness & ciaos. I don’t care about the money & I’ll go get a full time job again if it means bring balance to this emotional roller-coaster he has us all on. I mean, my parents figured it out on $60K combined income. Sure there were a lot of things we always wanted but nothing we needed. We had OK clothes and shoes and we had more then enough food to eat. I would go back to that in a heartbeat if I knew I didn’t have to break myself down every weekend.
Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t happen every weekend. It happens every time I want to do something and he needs to stay with the kids and he thinks what I am doing is really stupid (i.e. doing something with my family because he thinks they are idiots). He is really a great dad when he needs to be (i.e. when we plan daddy/child time) and the kids absolutely adore him. I adore him…. usually. But damn it do I HATE it when he makes me feel like shit for doing something I want to do.
But today…. almost out of the blue, he calls me to apologize. Wait, what? Yes, he called & apologized for losing his temper multiple times this weekend for stupid reasons and taking out his frustrations on me and the kids. I thanked him. But I don’t think we’ve gained any ground.