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So I had this dream last night that I was dying.

Before I went to bed I was sick.  I thought for sure I had food poisoning.  I had horrible stomach cramps, very nauseous, and I could taste the disgusting lunch I had, which I was pretty sure was causing this whole mess to begin with.  My hips ached something furious and I was having these random shakes along with the chills.  It really was awful and I wish that was just a dream.  Anyway… back to my dream.

I was laying in bed in a hospital by myself.  My husband was at home with our kids trying to figure out what he was going to do.  I was mostly unconscious but I could see everything going on around me and hear everything too.  It was crazy!  I wanted wake up so bad but I just couldn’t.  I saw the doctors coming in and out of the room.  I could hear them talking to each other about what else could be done but it seemed as though everything was done.  My husband came in and I was hoping he would see something, hear something, sense something that he knew I was still there.  But he couldn’t.  He left the room and I thought that was it?  That’s how it’s going to end?  Frank came.  He found out I was there and asked to see me.  He was my only hope.  He tried to get some sort of response but apparently nothing was happening.  He said he knew I was there, he knew I could hear him but if I wasn’t going to figure something out nothing more could be done.  I was trying everything – yelling, screaming, crying… nothing worked.  No one could hear me.  My husband came back in and the two of them talked for a long time.  I was terrified Frank was going to say something to my husband about us.  Really?  I’m dying and I’m concerned about this?  But I was.  I didn’t want this to be the last thing I heard my husband say.  At this point Frank was about to leave the room with my husband starring out the window when they both happened to glance at me once last time & they finally saw it.  They saw me trying with everything I had to come back.  And both of them were there, holding my hands as I did.

Wow – I’m  messed up.

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