The contents of my brain are so scattered these days, I can’t even figure out where to begin. It seems like so much is going on that I struggle daily with what to do first and what needs to happen last.
I understand. I really do understand. That is, if you would just tell me what the hell is going on?!!! Every now and then we revert back to this same, awful relationship we only call a marriage. It’s not. It’s two people that live together, sleep in the same bed, occasionally talk about nothing important and I spend his money on necessary items to keep us fed, clothed, sheltered and loved. Bare minimum. We are at this stage right now. Again. After the most wonderful evening away, right back here is where we are. Great. Grand. Wonderful. He fails to understand that our family does not revolve around him. We don’t. So when he decides to not tell me what he has going on that affects me or the kids, it’s a big deal. He doesn’t think it is, but it is. It drives me crazy; his UN-thoughtfulness.
Anything that I have going on is dumb. He’s very unsupportive if I choose to do something outside of taking care of the kids. Example- I joined our church council to help facilitate the change of a few things I was unhappy with of our church. I arrange child care around the meetings so he doesn’t even have to come home to watch the kids (he would normally be home at this time). I get home and he’s insanely pissed off to have to deal with the kids after a long day at work. Does he think that he’s the only working Dad? Does he think that no other Dad has to put his own kids to be once or twice a month after a long day at work? It’s not like it’s hard? He doesn’t have to feed them because I do that first. He doesn’t have to do dishes because I always have them done. He needs to put pj’s on, brush teeth, make sure they go potty and read stories. They all go to bed awake and fall asleep on their own without issue. No crying involved! What is the damn problem!??!
I miss him. I miss him like crazy. Especially when the husband is a douche bag. We missed each other again the other week and it sucked. Timing was all off again. Booooooooo! Hopefully some time soon. I crave his attention. I crave his emotion. I crave him!
Food & People
I despise grocery shopping because we don’t have a “Whole Foods” type of store and I spend entirely too much time reading labels. Why can’t our food be food and not a cheaper, plastic version of the real thing?? Why? I’d like to shoot the person who invented high fructose corn syrup. Really… do you think they are happy with themselves? A-holes. It’s every where. And MSG. Seriously… find me some light ranch dressing without preservatives & msg. I’d love to see it. I can’t find it.
The inability of people to want something better for their kids is something that drives me to the breaking point. Why are there more babies born addicted to pain killers? Why? I always thought every man/woman should be born with a chastity belt and had to take a test to unlock their nether regions. If you aren’t smart enough to know some basic common sense, you can’t procreate. It’s that simple. If you can’t figure out that taking drugs, drinking, or smoking hurts your unborn child, you don’t get a chance to even create that child. If you don’t understand that you can’t fill your kids with cheetos & suckers & cookies, you don’t get a chance to even create that child. God’s way or not… damn people are stupid sometimes.
So that’s all in my mind these days. I do have happy moments. My kids make me happy on a daily basis. I love when they take care of each other and use the techniques I use on them. It tells me that they are listening and they do understand. I love when they work together when they play. It melts my heart. Oh how they make my day… some times they make it longer then I want and some days it goes all too fast!