, , , ,

I’ve wanted to post something on this for some time now.  But I thought it wasn’t really my thing and I am the LAST person who should be dishing out marriage advice!  But I can’t hold it in any longer.  It’s gotten so freaken out of control that my mind is exploding.

There have been 4 people in less then 4 months that I am very close to that have served their husband’s divorce papers out of the blue.  Seriously.  Out of nowhere I am hearing of my “friends” deciding to end their marriages, break apart their families and forever change everyone’s life.  And I have no idea it’s coming nor to I understand why.

So what the hell is going on?  I’ve come to the conclusion it’s either the couple has gotten married WAY too younger OR the wives have  this really messed up perception of what life is really like.   When my brother (one of the statistics) went in for his first court appearance, the judge asked what was going on at my former SIL’s place of employment because over 1/2 of the cases he’s seen lately are employee’s from there.   She laughed but he did not.

Another friend just recently served her husband papers because he works way too much.  She has this sudden extreme hate for the man that she’s asked for sole custody of the kids.  He was blind sided by this.  She doesn’t have anyone else in mind.  She says he never has time for them because he works too much so she’s done.

The others are similar to the previous two.  I don’t get it?  My SIL didn’t get the wild hairs out of her ass before she got married so she’s doing it now.  Little to late if you ask me because now the kids are all freakin’ confused and pissed off and not to mention completely DISPLACED!  The others are trying to do it all on their own w/out their husbands and are finding out that even though they didn’t have their husbands by their side every 15 mins to begin with, now they don’t have them at all.  Reality check.

I guess what I’m trying to say or ask, rather, is what the hell is going on??  Sure, my husband isn’t home a lot and we mostly do better when he’s not here because he’s injecting his own schedule into our already comfortable one, but that’s what it’s all about.  I know it’s coming and I deal with it.  Sometimes I do it well and sometimes I suck at it.  Sometimes he comes home fine and others he comes home a jackass (like tonight).  The difference is I have NO intention of divorcing him for it.  Why?  It’s never crossed my mind.  Really.  I didn’t think this sort of behavior deemed such a live changing event.  I seriously think the consequences of his absence from the kids in these moments is far less of an issue then if I took him away from everything.  It doesn’t change my feelings for him.  I love him.  I do.  Some days more then others but I do love him.  I don’t think divorcing him would do anything positive for the entire situation.

Let’s pretend that I did divorce him.  I get half of his money.  Well, now I get all of his money so that doesn’t work out at all!  I would probably get at least joint custody if not more for the kids because of his job.  OK, well that whole every other weekend thing might be nice but certainly not worth the effort.  I would have to work full time again (like ALL of the other newly divorced friends) and the kids time with me is spent almost entirely in day care anyway.   So I don’t know if I’d call that a win either.  My Personal Well Being…  well maybe there is Mr Wonderful out there that makes a million dollars a month and still wants to spend his every waking minute with me…  maybe.  But chances are no.

Now look at this from me actually trying to do this.  I am TERRIFIED of failure.  It’s not in my vocabulary.  I refuse to be the quitter (hence my current job situation) and therefore sh!t would have to really hit the fan before I decided I would ever go through this.   I feel that we are 100% better together with me doing 99% of the work (kids) then we are apart with me doing 100% of the work (damn, that 1% must be pretty rough!!!)

I guess what I’m trying to say is it seems that people really give in to these freaking daydreams way too easily these days and hope for the best to come out in the end, where ever that may be.  No one seems to care about their marriage failing and what that does to everyone involved.  They seem to give in to their own personal happiness and what that looks like at that very given moment.  They don’t see what that does to their families, friends and themselves.

At the same time I think that we, as wives, need to remain vested in the marriage.  It’s work that involves everyone, not just the husband.  Granted, I probably do 99% of the relationship maintenance BUT I do that hoping for a 100% return.  And if I’m patient (sometimes VERY patient) it does have its paybacks.  He does realize that I’m really working hard for our family and for us.  I really am doing the right thing for our kids.  I really am making decisions based upon what impacts our entire family and not just myself.   If I were to sit by waiting for him to come home with roses for me for no good reason, I’d die in a lonely little rocking chair staring at the door.  His way of showing appreciation is showing me I am able to provide for our family in whatever means I think that should be.  I can buy us what we need when ever we need.  I can do what I need to do Jan – Aug (Sept – Dec is hunting season and that’s all his!) without feeling bad.

Anyway, I’m rambling.  I don’t get what these women are thinking and maybe that’s OK.  I hope they find that they are making the best decisions and if not, they have the power to change them.

Life is too short to not be happy but it’s not just you that needs to be happy.