He asked me out to lunch because he finally had time, nothing on his calendar, and thought we could use a few minutes to ourselves. It still might have been out of pity because he knows I’ve been so angry, but still… apparently he did this all on his own.
Not 5 minutes into lunch he asks me why I’m so upset. At first I didn’t want to discuss it as it seemed to public of a place to open up the damn of emotions for me. But then I realized, it was probably the best possible place to do it: out in the open, people probably listening to your every word from the near by tables, an environment that will force us to choose our words carefully and honestly, a place where there would be no shouting or loss of control. It took me a few minutes but I started in…
I basically repeated my last two posts to him. He has no idea this blog exists but I was prepared to show it to him because at first he didn’t believe me how long I’ve been feeling this way. He was taken back by the randomness of my emotions; one day just prepared to move on with the kids and I and if he was available, he could come too. To the next day forcing him into our lives because WE wanted him to be there, even if he didn’t. Once he pieced all of this together and reviewed the past several months he realized I wasn’t making this up. In fact it was all starting to make sense to him.
He said his piece to me and he thinks I’m being selfish and not very supportive of him. I bit my tongue until he was through and I’m not kidding…. I literally had to bit my tongue to keep from interrupting to fight my fight!! He thinks he’s given me every resource to be a happy, healthy, mom & wife. He thinks there is no reason he should have to discuss work outside of work. He said stuff that if we were not in a public place, he probably would not have said because I wouldn’t have given him the opportunity.
In the end, I agreed that I need to try and prioritize myself and my time a little better. I’m not doing the things he thinks I should be doing and I can’t disagree with that. But I feel as though I over schedule myself on purpose so I don’t have time to feel sorry for myself when the kids are around. I do it because I need this sense of “need” from others because I don’t get it from him. He also agreed to communicate with me more about what’s going on at work. I’m not the work wife, I’m the real wife and while she understand the meat of the business, I can offer just as much support in other ways. If he’d only let me. He sees this now, or at least he’s willing to try.
In our 40 min lunch we discussed every problem I’ve ever had and we did it calm, cool and collected. I’m not going to say our waitress wasn’t feeling like she was intruding every time she approached us. We left a generous tip given the situation. But I’m proud of him for making the initiative to do this and whether doing this in a public place as intentional or not, he gets the credit for it. I’m proud of myself for not holding back any information in fear of what he might say or think. I really was prepared to print out every post of this blog for him to read so he could see for himself how bad it was for me. Thankfully, I was able to communicate with him and I can continue my rants & raves here 🙂
We had a great 4th with family & friends. I don’t think, if I hadn’t been this honest with him, that it would have turned out this way. He really did try very hard to make it a great day for us even when I’m pretty sure he wanted nothing more then to just be home. He’s holding up his end, now it’s my turn.