OK so the husband needs to come home, like NOW. Ughhh…. even if he did he would be passed out from pure exhaustion anyway so that really wouldn’t do me any good. That’s just how it is after these weeks. I’m not complaining (yes I am) because it’s not like it comes as a surprise but when Mr. G puts on an amazing show and gets me totally worked up I NEED him NOW!
He’s reacted how I anticipated to my “distance experiment”. He’s made himself more available to me and it’s showing.
I just don’t understand any of this. The husband and I are getting along great. OK, so it is hard not to get along when he’s not even here most of the time. But still…. if we weren’t I would be barely making it through the days and pissed off at the world all because he’s not here. It’s not like that. I truly am happy with my life right now; him, the kids, my non-employment situation. I’m busy with something to do 99% of the time. I don’t get paid for it in dollars and cents but the emotional payment is worth it. I feel like I do have purpose and that is what is important to me.
Frank fills that mysterious, spontaneous need of mine. I never know when I’m going to see him. I never know what to expect when I do. He excites something inside of me that doesn’t seem to exist until I see him or talk to him. I don’t even know what that is. He reminds me that I’m human and it might actually be OK to feel like I do. Mr. G fills that romantic soul of mine. He’ll be the first one to open a door, push in my chair and rent a chick flick & curl up with me on the couch on a bad day. He’ll send me flowers just because he wants me to know I was in his thoughts.
Neither of these men are my husband. My husband is completely different then either of these two. He fulfills this honorable, independent, strong woman in me that is VERY dominate in most situations. He knows I’m capable of so much and pushes me to the next level. He ignites this competitive soul in me that runs my life most of the time. If I didn’t have this, I’m not sure where I would be or who I would be. I know that I NEED him.
I know I need this more than the others. Or do I know without this I’ll succumb to Mr G or Frank without a second thought?