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It’s been a while but my health had me laid up for a while.  The short story of that is that a week ago or so I had what started out as a small area in the of numbness in one of my legs spread throughout my entire body by the end of the day.  I lost strength on one side of my body, mainly my leg and the other wasn’t far behind.  A million tests and lots of steroid injections we might have an idea of what we are dealing with.  And that’s a big might.  I’m still working through it all.  I should be fine.  I will be fine.  In time.

Through my soul searching & what not I decided to call Frank today.  It took every ounce of courage but I knew that I needed to talk to him.  I was terrified because we’ve gone so long with little to no communication and it’s been hard.  I was afraid of his rejection because of my own fears of this turning into something it can’t be but I just didn’t care.  I had to hear his voice.  I had to tell him what was happening in the event that it turns drastic and I’m not able to.  Of course our connection was bad because his cellphone is awful.  Man makes a mint and he can’t go get a decent cellphone?!!  He called me back when he was away from other ears 🙂  He was soooooo happy to hear from me.  Not only did he tell me but I could tell in his voice that he was smiling.  We had a wonderful conversation and I immediately felt comforted by his voice.  Of course it was awkward and I’m not one for uncomfortable silences but it was like we couldn’t decide what to say first or next.  I had an injection appointment so I needed to end it eventually but it was with wonderful satisfaction that I know he truly cares of me and our adoration is still strong.  I think about it and I can’t believe how awful that sounds.  I get lost in his words and then am retracted by the fact that it really is wrong.  But then I fall back into my deep thoughts about him and our conversations and it all goes away.  My senses return to our meetings in his office.  I remember his words and his word play.  I can feel his touch again and I can smell his scent. i can feel my body tensing up as he comes closer.  It’s as if it’s happening, in real time, all over again.

It’s probably going to be a while before I see or talk to him again because our need for communication is less.  He lets me know to call him any time but I hate to be the needy type and especially if it’s so risky.  I would almost feel better being pursued but that is probably the last thing that can happen.  And it’s OK.  I’ll relive the comfort I felt in his voice tonight.

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