Growing up was rough for me. I always thought when I was the parent it would be so easy because I knew exactly how a “kid” acts and what they need. Apparently I’ve forgotten. I probably should have written it down some place so now, when I’m trying to be a mother to my 5 year old daughter with an exceptionally poor attitude, I’d know what the hell I was doing.
I’m hoping this is just another phase we are going through. I take her actions and her words as my own failure. I’m not sure that’s the right way to go about it. I certainly don’t let her get away with anything on account of that. She is held accountable for her own actions. However, the pure reason for her even doing or saying anything disrespectful is something I hold myself accountable for. “If I could only teach her how to be better….” is something that very frequently runs through my head. And I struggle with it daily. Should I be the one holding this responsibility? Isn’t this her problem? Why am I the one feeling beat up inside while she’s plotting her hate against me for making her clean her room or sit there and think about her latest ridiculousness?
I’m not sure what to do. We’ve taken away pretty much everything we can and we are working to ‘earn’ it all back. In the past, it’s been pretty easy to earn back our privileges Pretty much by the next day we were back in full swing. This time it’s taking at least a week. She’s not happy about it but we are only starting day 2. I’m hoping by the end of the week we will have started to reconnect and will actually be making progress on our relationship.
I’ve spent hours reading about what to do and how to do it and of course, no one wrote a chapter for us. It seems as though I’ve tried everything suggested and we are still sitting in our rough patch. We apparently don’t fit the mold of “common problems of school aged children”.
I’ve thought about seeking professional help but I feel funny about that. My husband thinks we need a more “military” approach. He was raised Catholic and had a very strict schedule. He knew exactly what was going to happen next at any given moment. I was raised the exact opposite. Perhaps my daughter has more of his genetics when it comes to this and in order to feel safe and secure, she NEEDS and absolute structure? That sounds great and all but I’m not sure I know how to do that. I’ve never been that way and since I’m the one doing 95% of the work, I’m not sure I can be comfortable with it. I’m trying to incorporate a little more of it into our “routine” so maybe we’ll find a compromise.