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I think I can finally see some signs that we chose the right path.  Maybe.  I’ve been diligent in respecting my husband’s ideas on how to approach our daughter.  Silly as I thought it sounded and partially unrealistic, I’ve been able to incorporate some more structure into our daily lives and it’s already starting to improve.  Or I’m going to call it that only because we FINALLY had a MOSTLY good day.  We had a few bumps but for once it wasn’t an entire day of them and I went to bed feeling like I could actually be called a Mother for Mother’s Day.  

I know every parent thinks their child is brilliant and we are no different.  She’s in 4k and while the other kids are still getting a grip on how to spell their entire name, she’s doing first grade math & reading.  I’ve thought about not pushing this because I’m afraid she will get too bored at school and become disruptive.  So I decided to still do it at home once and a while but let her try and improve her social skills a bit more because she lacks in that department.  I’m starting to see that this is where I messed up.  She’s still bored.  In fact she’s so bored that she’s lost all confidence that she can actually do something right.  Her need to be challenged intellectually is so strong that it appears without it, she can’t contain herself.  All of that energy is being forced into her trying to figure out something on her own and she’s not mature enough to do it.  Yes, this is me talking.  I’ve come up with this based on the past 3 days of observing my husbands suggestions at work.  (Damn it I hate when he’s right.  And, worst yet, I have to tell him!!)  My next mission is to figure out how to continue to challenge her intellectually and get her to build up that other side of her brain.  The side I was trying to get her to use prior to this debacle without falling back into the black hole of attitudes.  

All of this scares me in a way that I have no clue what I’m doing.  I have another almost 3 year old out there that needs attention and another on the way.  How in the hell do people do this?  I stay at home with the kids now.  I don’t have a clue how working families do it.  I suppose they leave this part up to the daycare/preschool teachers?  While that is nice, what happens when your child doesn’t fit that mold?  I’ve let it slide at our house and it was awful.  Now, I’m not bashing our 4k or elementary school.  I love that place and the teachers.  But it’s hard for them to teach at all levels of their classrooms and, let’s face it, these are 4 year old kids.

On another note, I’m so thankful that even though my husband isn’t physically present a lot in our house because of the demands of his job at times, he is still able to see what I don’t and be present in other ways.  His ability to see passed what I see every day and force me into another way of thinking is wonderful and not easy to do.  I protest a lot and take my wrong doings very personal.  (I should probably learn to get over that, huh?)