… when I hear his voice. Ugh… how does this man do it to me? Every damn time. I don’t even need to see him, although, that is another thing that just gets me squirming in my seat. But to hear his voice, hear him say my name and I barely hear anything he says after that. It echoes through my head for days. Why him? Why can’t I just get over it, realize that things are good where they are and see him as any other random man I know?
So, yes, I saw Frank yesterday. He looks great. He sounds great. We talked briefly. All was going “well” until we both got caught staring in each other’s eyes. You know how when they aren’t looking your way you can watch their every move without feeling embarrassed or anything? He was talking to me while looking at something on the desk next to him and I was mesmerized by him, like in a trance or something. I was watching his face, his eyes, his mouth because the man just melts me. He turns his face a little towards me and I looked away but only briefly. I pretended to be looking just passed him at something else when I could see him doing the same to me. I looked back, and he was studying my face as he was talking. I don’t even know what he was saying. Then he said something about my eyes and how blue they were. He hadn’t remembered them being so blue. Funny how i heard that part! I know I was thinking something similar about him because I noticed his icy blue eyes. They are almost this silver/blue color. They are like no color I’ve ever seen before.
We carefully ended our conversation. I am in a very good place with my husband. I don’t want to be the one to ruin it. I don’t want to be thinking of Frank so much and “what might be/could’ve been” to the point that it starts to weigh down my marriage. I want to move passed that. It’s just so hard because I see him and it brings back so much. It brings back feelings that I’ve always wanted with my husband but I have to work so hard to get. Frank does it naturally. There is no work involved. It’s just how he is. And I know that could easily change if we were to do something about it. I know better. I know the grass usually seems greener on the other side but something else usually comes along that was just over the hill, just out of sight until you jump the fence. I have it too good to take such a leap. And especially now. It would be for no other reason then a selfish indulgence. I can’t do that to my family.
So for now, I’ll sit back when I have 2 minutes to myself and think about those icy blues and day dream. Then one of my kids will need something and I’ll be back to reality. But that’s OK because my reality right now is working out just fine 🙂