That’s about the only word I can come up with to describe my current state.  Between baby, kids, husband, wife, mom….  I’m not sure which way to turn next.  I can’t finish one thing without someone or something demanding my attention be else where.  All of my unfinished items have started to pile up and my husband can’t figure out where the difficulty lies.  It’s so frustrating.  His schedule has picked up again and I’m left to do everything that is NOT his work, on my own.  I’m forgetting so much stuff.  I’m forgetting to do so much stuff.  Last night he was upset because we were out of Parmesan cheese for his spaghetti.  I had a small amount of shredded stuff left but not the grated kind he likes.  I simply stated that it did not get put on the list after someone used it last.  I didn’t say it was him, I didn’t say it was me.  I don’t know who it was but regardless, we were out.  Being a hormonal third trimester pregnant woman his expression brought tears to my eyes because I didn’t do something right again.  

My head was exploding all afternoon.  It was pouring rain outside.  Perfect day to capitalize on our inside projects.  But I just couldn’t stand without wanting to scream in pain.  My head was throbbing so bad that I maxed out my tylenol dosage.  Which, never happens because I hate taking anything to begin with let alone while I’m pregnant.  I was so upset.  He didn’t offer to do anything.  He cleaned the basement dog kennels b/c that’s his only job around the house usually and proceeded to workout for 2 hours.  He asked if I wanted him to come up to watch the kids so I could lay down but the kids were actually playing nicely themselves and I did lay down. 

This week we are headed out on an overnight adventure to a water park.  He’ll be there but in a conference.  I’ll be there with the kids.  I invited a friend to join us so at least I’d have someone I know to talk to.  I’m looking forward to it but at the same time I know the chlorine from the pools will make my head spin again.  I’m not looking forward to the return trip and all the work that goes with it. 

He’s asked us to join him on a weekend trip to our hunting land.   It’s too much work and we won’t see him at all except at night anyway.  I’m pretty sure that’s the only reason he wants us there, so he has someone he can share his day with at night.  Otherwise it’s just me and the kids, left to our own devices and a whole lot of packing, laundry and planning for me.  And I don’t even like it up there!!!  So I’m not looking forward to his face when I tell him that we aren’t coming with him.   He offered to rent us a cabin on a lake so the kids could swim and enjoy the water (because there isn’t anything to do up there with small children) and that would be nice and all.  But our schedule is SO packed the way it is, I just can’t fathom 2 days of packing and food preparation for a weekend in a place I really don’t care for followed by 2 days of unpacking and laundry crammed into our normal weekday routine.  I’m not trying to sound ungrateful because I know some people would jump at this chance but the work involved in my already large, pregnant and tired state just doesn’t sound like fun to me.  I guess I’m just the party pooper.  

The silver lining in this mess has been my doctor.  Everyone woman falls in love with her ob/gyn at some point, especially if he’s talk, dark and handsome 🙂  Not that mine is but you get it.  There is a man, sitting right in front of you, doing nothing but listening to your every word and commenting on how to help.  What’s not to love?!!?  You have his full attention and his job is not to judge anything you say or do but to offer care and support.  He has been wonderful to me.  He’s noticed my inability to slow down and is concerned about my workload.  He understands the reasoning but is offering to help in every way possible.  He’s reached out to me and my kids so many times during these past few weeks that I’m growing attached to the man!  Not in a sexual type of way but how he’s offered to help with my prenatal care and making sure I’m getting everything I need has made such a difference.  It’s his job, I know, but when I don’t get that emotional support at home, it sure is nice to have it some place else.

Frank.  Ironically enough I’ve seen him so much lately that I wonder if it’s a sign.  When we were “wanting” to see each other, wanting to be in each other’s presence, the opportunities never presented themselves.  We practically had to force every thing.  Now that we’ve pretty much agreed that we need to forget about the past, I run into him at least once/month and lately more.  Guess it wasn’t meant to be!  It’s been less awkward but my heart still skips a beat and my stomach turns all sorts of ways when I first see him.  He’s kind, polite and I just love that.