On my trip down Memory Lane this week I read a journal about the summer after my senior year. What I remember of that summer and what I wrote about are clashing. After reading every detail of that summer I wonder what would have happened if I would have had the balls to break up with Dave after the first time I cheated.
I had two different guys on my mind other then Dave. One 2 years younger and one 8 years older. Both gave me more then enough time to make up my mind and yet I didn’t. Both were very generous and forthcoming of their thoughts and feelings and I gave them nothing to hold on to. It made me feel awful to read about it.
The summer had me out with one of the hottest men I know. He was a player, sure, but he poured his heart out to me. I was terrified to let him in because I wasn’t sure I could trust him. But knowing him more now and reading about the things he said to me, I’m almost sure I could have taken the chance. In fact, he is married to a girl who looks similar to me and is my age. He stole her from another guy and they married soon after that. I enjoy seeing him to this day and I often wonder what might have been. But… he’s ancient history and we have that summer to remember our innocence!!
I see Dave to this day and wonder how the hell we even lasted as long as we did. We are exactly alike. Two people who grasp on to anything that comes along and are terrified to be alone aren’t people that belong together.