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I think I finished reading my old journals.  Yikes there is some scary stuff in there!!  My burning party shall commence tomorrow.  My husband is coming home early so I better do it soon!  Although I’ll have no problem telling him what I found.  He knows the majority of my horrible past with men.  I only say majority because it seems even I have forgotten about some of it.  Repression at it’s finest!

It’s hard to believe I was only satisfied as long as Dave and whom ever was my target were both “wanting” me.  When one wasn’t, I was devastated.  I was so insecure with myself it wasn’t even funny.  I’m sort of scared that I could even be like that. 

I found myself increasing sad that I never gave Thomas a chance.  I don’t remember him being so sincere to me.  I do remember our fun times and a lot of our sexcapades!  I remember talking to him about “us” at some point but I was always too afraid he was going to use me and then I’d have no one, that I couldn’t end it with Dave.  Knowing what I know now, that would not have happened.  I don’t regret my decision because I really do love my husband, kids and life now (and I’m sure he would say the same) but it’s sort of funny how it all played out.  

It was fun to relive those days and I’m so thankful they are over.  I learned a ton and even more from reviewing them again.  I hope to hell my daughter will never be that messed up but if she is… at least I can say I understand where she is coming from!

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