So this is it. After this my husband is taking one for the team and getting the big V. No more babies in this house. We talked about this a lot and decided long ago that if I were to get pregnant again (which obviously I did!) it would be the last.
At one point during my last pregnancy I thought it would be the “last” one. I was miserable and I just didn’t enjoy being pregnant. It was awful. After I had my son I was devastated about the feelings I had. I wished I would have enjoyed it more and remembered all of those little flutters & kicks. I wished I would have recorded the sound of his heartbeats in my head. But I didn’t; I took it all for granted.
I was so excited to be pregnant again because I would be given another chance to appreciate it. And I have. I am taking the time to watch my ridiculously large stomach morph into strange shapes as this little one stretches, grows and attempts to find a new comfortable position. I am enjoying those movements. I LOVE the sounds of the heartbeat each time my rockin’ doc uses the doppler to make sure the beat is normal. I love that he knows how much I like it too. He just lets it sit on there for an extra minute just so I can hear it.
All that aside, I’m miserable. I feel awful. This pregnancy has taken it’s toll on me. I’ve been in to the hospital so much more and am constantly in pain. Some days it’s really hard to remember that is it and no matter how bad I feel, I will never get to experience this again. There are days I want this baby out more then anything and then I realize that when that day comes, that’s it. It makes me sad. I’m not sure I would want any more babies anyway but the finality of this one it hard on me.
I have about 6 weeks left of this pregnancy and although the last 6 have been miserable, I am happy that I got another chance to enjoy the most wonderful parts about being pregnant. I’m happy that I’ve taken the time to feel those movements, hear the heartbeats and watch my children bond with this baby before he/she is born.