The husband and I had a chance to talk about his class reunion last week. It was a conversation by chance because I told him about my trip down memory lane. At one point at the reunion one of his ex-girlfriends, whom I’ve talked to and felt comfortable with, asked me to take a picture of her and my husband. Which I did and as odd as I thought it might be I just dismissed it. After a while as I was watching her continually stalk him out of the crowd, and after listening to her talk about her husband I thought she might have some unresolved feelings surfacing. And the more alcohol that was consumed, the more these emotions might start to surface. BUT…. I didn’t let it get the best of me. I continued on with a “smile” on my face.
Fast forward to my conversation with my husband… We talked about how a friend of mine threw away all of her husband’s high school pictures & letters. There was stuff from his ex-girlfriend’s and pictures and the whole works that she just decided wasn’t necessary anymore and pitched them. She was helping me go throw things in our basement and I showed her the bins of his stuff. I just figured as long as he didn’t have nude pictures of ex-girlfriends in his night table by our bed, I could careless what pictures he has from 15 + years ago. I’m sure most are forgotten about anyway. I reminded him I spent the day with all of his ex-girlfriends and that wasn’t awkward so why would their old pictures be any different. He was taken back a bit when I said it wasn’t awkward. He insisted I had to feel at least a little strange. I reminded him that I know he loves me and our children and girlfriends from high school really pose no threat to me. He was almost offended!! I laughed but only on the inside. Of course I knew at least one of them was remembering vivid details of some random sexcapade that they had as the alcohol was flowing freely! But I wasn’t about to get into it because a “fight” over this would serve no purpose. It would show some insecurities on my part that were hardly relevant. So the husband goes on to tell me how he wasn’t uncomfortable around them except for one time when one of them talked about these parties that another classmate had and it was one where everyone went to hook up. That was the only purpose and she brought it up. Of course I never knew anything about this so at the time I didn’t find it odd. But he did. So he told me that was where they first had sex and it was so odd that she brought it up. I didn’t respond with much. But on the inside I was doing a victory dance because I KNEW IT. I knew she was feeling bad about the man she eventually married and my husband tried to get her away from him and he failed. Now she regrets it. Take that husband!! I knew if I brought this up he would call me insecure or something and then I’d never hear how it all really went down. Score 1 for me for keeping my mouth shut for once!! Next, he tells me how she texts him all the time now. She’s sent him the picture I took of the two of them and asks if he put it as his wallpaper on his phone. That finally set off the red flag in his mind and he now thinks it’s getting a little weird. Again, if I would have said anything at all, there is NO way in the world he’d tell me this. There is nothing that man hates more then to tell me I’m right when it comes to this stuff. And it’s quite possible that these thoughts would have never left my head. I told him that I thought perhaps something was up because she (and a few others) could not talk about their life as it is “today”. They were constantly talking in the past. He disagreed and thought they just wanted to talk about the last time they were all together. I, on the other hand, pointed out that there were quite a few people that seemed to be content with being who they were and who they were with and just as has happy to meet others. He never responded. However I knew I made my point without going into more details about the others, who I’m sure by now, have made contact with him in the same way his other friend did. And I’m OK if he doesn’t want to tell me about it right now. I know eventually he will.
He’s since decided that he’s not going to contact her for a while. We’ve both agreed she is a nice person and perhaps she just needs some time to get her head back on after a weekend of reminiscing.
While I’m not doing the “I told you so! I told you so!” dance in front of him, I am much happier that I was able to do the one thing I usually fail at: keeping my mouth shut. I can never just let things be. Perhaps after this first victory, it will be easier for me to see that if I just let it be, it will all work out 🙂