I’m almost 39 weeks pregnant. I’m swelling in every damn place than can swell and even in places I never thought possible. It’s very safe to say I feel beyond unattractive. These are NOT the joys of pregnancy. My sex life is purely non-existent. It sucks. I realize I’m not the hot wife I used to be but come on….. we haven’t had sex in weeks. Ahhhhhhhh!!!! The last time it wasn’t even very good. I’m certain my husband just wanted to give himself some relief and be done. Not that I can totally blame him but I am still his wife and a human and this figure is really only temporary! Anyway, I usually end up taking care of myself while he’s gone. I feel bad for it but I’m not sure there is a way around it. This is just one of the reasons I’m ready to have this baby!
Today he left for hunting. I put the kids down for a nap and decided to head outside to relax in the sun for a bit since it was such a nice day. My laptop is a pain to haul out, my phone needed to charge so that left only his iPad. I NEVER use it. But the pure convenience of it was too easy to pass up. I checked out the apps he had installed, and then proceeded to the Internet to check out the local news. As I hit his last seen page I decided to check out the bookmarks to see if he had anything saved in there that was useful so I didn’t have to type. I hit History instead. I’m not a snooper. I trust him and besides, he deletes EVERYTHING anyway; work, personal, doesn’t matter. He needs a clean work space. But I was curious….. he’s like a damn redtube.com addict!!! OK, well, not that bad. But still…. I was shocked. More so because he uses his iPad for work ALOT. Being a former computer nerd I know how dangerous that can be. Not only viruses and whatever but the ease of “accidentally” bringing up ones history or temporary saved files can be VERY embarrassing. I’ve seen it happen so many times and I’ve told him about it happening to others. But here he is watching young girls get ass fucked more then I care to admit! Seriously. As recent as last night. I mean, I came home about an hour after him and it’s like the first thing he did was hit redtube before I got home. WTF??!??! I’m right there, rail me in the ass or something? Anyway….. At first I was upset but was quick to empathize because, well….. I do the same thing when he’s not around. I don’t watch women get jammed from behind but I will hit up a porn site every now and then because he is gone so much and damn it…. I have needs too! He’s not jumping on me the second he gets home. But now I know why!
So, like any good wife, I confront him about it. I knew he was driving so I called him. No answer. I text him, “We should have had sex before you left, guess I’ll have to go it alone. Thank God for redtube. ;)” Suddenly my phone rings. He says, “Redtube, is that that porn video site?” HA!!! Seriously…. so I call him out on it instantly and he is shocked and embarrassed and blames his friend for telling him to look at it to find some video that he thought was awesome. Whatever…. I really don’t care about the porn. I let him know I thought it was funny. We’ve watched porn together previously and he gets really embarrassed but the sex after is usually pretty hot so I’m all for it. So anyway, it’s not like it’s a new topic for us. We talked about our lack of sex and I tried to get him to admit that he hates sex with me right now but he would never say it. He says it will all be better in about 2 months. Possibly.
After our conversation I felt much better and I knew bringing it up right away was the best thing to do rather then let my mind wander in 8 million directions about why the sudden interest or secrecy in porn when he knows that I’d much rather watch it with him?! I knew I would feel a little cheated if I didn’t get him to realize I knew he was doing it. We joked about it a bit more today via text and he said he thought how I handled it was funny but he was really embarrassed. I didn’t respond. A few more jokes on his end and I made another comment about the type of videos he was watching and he replied that he is retired from internet porn. That might be true, I’m not sure but I didn’t respond to that either.
In the end, I do think it’s funny. I didn’t expect him to get embarrassed about it but more so I’m very happy he didn’t get defensive or accusatory about it. He knows that I’m not a snooper and I know the same for him. We just don’t have that type of relationship. And while it might not happen right away, we usually bring up an insecurities with each other anyway so there really is no need to snoop. I guess that and the pure fact that we don’t really prevent the other from doing it. All of our stuff is out in the open and we know each others passwords for everything.
Good times, this pregnancy, good times!!