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Christmas Parties.  Lots of them.  I usually jump at any chance to get out of the house and be among living, breathing adults.  I can finally have a conversation that doesn’t revolve around fairies, poop and playdoh.

We have one to go to this weekend and the husband’s “ex” will be there.  Again, he left her for me.  I should have the upper hand!  Ha! But the insecurities don’t allow my brain to think this way and I opted out of going because of a going away party for a friend of mine.  Yes, I admit I used her party, that I wasn’t going to attend in the first place, as an excuse not to go to this other Christmas party.  I also used my kids to my advantage as they aren’t invited to the going away party, leaving the husband left to his own devices with all 3 kids at a party where he would probably rather socialize with his friends (and yes, probably the ex).  This, knowing full well the baby would be at the witching hour and he’d be left to deal with it.  I.am.a.horrible.person.

I am the one who requested that we get out more together; with other people/couples.  I’m the one who said we are the odd couple that no one knows what to do with and therefore we are never invited to social events.  The husband comes home with the invite for the party and it was me who shot it down before he could get the words out of his mouth.  Granted, he knew it wasn’t the perfect scenario but it was an invited nonetheless.  He knew that I knew the ex would be there.  But he thought it wouldn’t be the big deal I am making it out to be.  And it shouldn’t but this is what I see……

In my mind this party works like this:  We show up.  Everyone crowds around the baby.  We all exchange pleasantries and the older kids run off to play.  The tension starts as everyone except the ex is the only one to not gush over our arrival and stands back waiting for someone else to make the first move.  My husband, awkwardly avoids her at first because he knows I’m watching his every move.  After a few minutes I catch them making eye contact, wanting to interact in some way but neither of them knowing how to do it without angering me or making a scene.  This goes on for longer than I want it to and I become noticeably annoyed.  I try and make physical connections with him, you know, marking my territory and trying to show her we are hopelessly in love.  My husband pushes me away because it’s making him uncomfortable.   I try and put on a smile but the husband becomes irritated because I’m being unreasonable.  He now says he wishes I would have gone to the going away party because I’m the one making everyone feel uncomfortable.  I get upset because now he’s chosen her over me.  And my worst fear has come true.  

This is probably what will happen:  We show up.  Everyone crowds around the baby.  We all exchange pleasantries and the older kids run off to play.  Before the tension starts, someone introduces me to the “ex” even through we’ve already met years ago and I pretend it’s nice to see her.  The husband says hello and cuts that tension before it starts and we continue on.  Throughout the night we are able to make laugh with each other and the kids are entertaining us all.  The husband and I make just enough physical connection to satisfy me and yet not make it awkward.  There are no stolen glances that make me feel cheated.  They talk to each other like any other person and we all get a long just fine.  

Perhaps I should just write the shitty wives column.