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The husband is trying.  He’s trying really hard some days and not so hard the other days.  But it’s about equal to what my effort has been so….  expectations can’t be too high.  Get what you give.  I believe in that through and through.  

He’s been trying to be present more.  The kids have proven that him simply being home more is just what the doctor ordered.  The down side of that is he feels like he’s falling further and further behind.  He might be.  I have no way of knowing.  He wants to be home but he can’t peel himself away sometimes. 

A friend of mine came up with a suggestion of planning out the week and scheduling normal nights and late work nights.  How I never came up with that on my own is beyond me. Seems pretty simple.  Although that does involve him telling me in advance, what his week looks like and he never wants to talk about work to me.  I started asking more questions to establish this “policy” gradually.  He’s taken it on himself.  He initiates the conversations about what we (me and kids) are doing for the week and lets me know where he can fit in.  This is what I’m talking about.  I’m not telling him he needs to come home or needs to be at family nights or whatever.  He’s telling me when he can make it. It’s about damn time!

We still have plenty of bad days.  These past two weeks were bad.  He was home more, yes, but an asshole most of the time.  And I mean that in the kindest way possible 😉  He was gone last night and again tonight.  I hate when he leaves for an over night or two and we aren’t on solid ground.  My mind wanders to places it shouldn’t and it takes a few glasses of wine for me to think rationally about the situation.  Thank God for wine!!  But take for instance last night….  he knew our daughter had a doctor appointment and that we needed to make some decisions based upon the results (nothing bad…. we’re good!).  He asked me to be sure to text him right away about what the outcome was and what we needed to do next.  (Really, that sounds worse than what it was about.)  I did just that.  I didn’t expect a response and I didn’t get one.  As we continued with our day, my oldest and I, we eventually returned home to the other two and the babysitter.  I had some good gossip I learned about while waiting for swimming lessons to be done.  I knew the hubs would want to hear about it.  I was excited for our nightly call!  Upon arriving home I find #2 sick on the couch with a fever and the baby screaming her head off as she’s teething.  The babysitter had some sort of panic look on her face as the house was a wreak and she didn’t know what to do next.  She was relieved for us to walk through that door!  Scramble to get #1 showered, baby calmed and #2 off to bed so I can quick clean the house up before the husband calls.  He calls early.  I can’t talk now…  I’m mid bedtime melt down!!!  I ask if I can call him back in 20 min and he says no because he’s still out with clients.  Fine.  I suggest he call me back when he’s back at his hotel room.  He’s annoyed and wants to talk now so he can head out without having to worry about calling me later since it will probably be late and he doesn’t want me to know that.  Tough f’n sh!t!!  All 3 of our kids are still up, one screaming, one coughing (barking) like seal and wheezing so bad I debate the ER and the other dilly dallying in the shower to avoid having to go to bed right away.  I calmly tell him I can’t talk, say I love you and I need to go.  45 min later the phone rings.  The house is semi peaceful since boy wonder is coughing very badly in his sleep.  I can tell he’s pissed off and not in his hotel room.  Same background noise as when he called me the first time.  He says he’s in his room.  Whatever.  He says he had an awful day and refuses to talk about it.  Excellent.  I try to tell him about my day and that I had stuff to tell him and he doesn’t want to talk.  He wants to go.  Fine.  

I text him almost immediately after we hang up with a question I forgot to ask but needed an answer to.  He never responded.  Seriously 35 seconds after we hung up.  Whatever.  I text him at midnight noting the boy’s horrible wheezing and I’ve now moved him to my bed to keep a closer eye on him.  6 am this morning he finally responds.  I’m annoyed and tired.  I don’t respond back for hours.  Screw him.  He asks again how things are going.  Minimal answers.  All day.  

In a way I feel bad.  I’m acting just as childish as him.  But at the time I just really don’t care. As the day went on I started thinking that he was just done with whatever it is he needed to do there and really did just want to go to bed.  As my day continued to unravel he text me back saying he was having yet another bad day and just wanted to be home with me and kids.  I felt bad for him.  I felt bad for acting mean.  I was very much looking forward to our call tonight.  

He did call.  We talked.  He did his very best to listen to my rambling.  He did well.  He struggled at the end and I know if I gave him a pop quiz he probably couldn’t tell you a thing of what I said.  Oh well….  tomorrow is another day. 

Another day to try to get it right.  Another day to have a better attitude.  Another day together with my family.  God is good.  And we keep rolling right along…………..

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