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He’s been gone for 4 days.  He comes home.  He’s happy to see the kids.  I’m hardly noticed.  We have conversation.  I try.  I REALLY try to be fun and loving and a “good wife”.  I have my happy face on.  I’m engaging in conversation.  I’m not asking 20 questions about his last 4 days in Vegas.  After the kids go to bed I pour myself a glass of wine and make the comment how my text wishing him a “happy date night *clinky*” went unanswered.  His response was that he didn’t see it until it was midnight my time so he didn’t think he needed to respond at that point.  Which is a total lie.  You mean he didn’t bring his phone with him out and about?  I call b.s.  

This morning we get up.  I get baby up and he feeds her so I can make our customary big family breakfast.  I ask what he wants.  I make what he wants.  I try to make conversation.  I REALLY try to be fun and loving and a “good wife”.  I have my happy face on.  

Promptly after breakfast he tells me he’s going to work.  

Here’s the scene….  Kid #1 is doing an art project by herself, kid #2 is watching Spiderman, kid #3 is nursing in my arms on the couch.  He has showered and is ready to go.  He’s standing 10 feet away from me about to walk down our hallway to the back door. 

“I’m going to work.  I don’t know when I’ll be back…. sometime today.  What are you going to do today?”

“I need to clean the floors and start packing for our vacation.”

“You need to get the kids outside, too.  What else are you doing?”

“That’s it.  That will take our entire day.”

“Just make sure the kids are outside.  OK, I’m leaving.  See you whenever.”

“OK.” (staring right back at him.  right into his eyes with probably a lost and lonely look on my face)

“what’s wrong?” (clearly annoyed)

“Really?” (lost hope)

“whatever see you later.” 

We are leaving on vacation in 3 days.  I need to pack.  He’s counting on me to do everything for myself and the kids and have a complete itinerary.  He just wants to show up with his stuff and he’ll take care of that.  I mention that we are going to visit an old high school classmate of mine the last night we are there since we’ll be staying close to her house.  He’s very annoyed.  

He no longer loves me.  I know it.  He’s forcing it.  I just want it to go away.  I missed him and felt like we had a chance when he first left for Vegas.  It’s just not there. And I don’t know what to do.  I just want it all to go away.