It’s been 4 months since I’ve been here.  Not intentional.  I’ve been meddling my way through everything kids, marriage & whatever else goes with it.  

I’d love to say so much has changed and everything is sunshine & rainbows.

I felt the need to revisit my last post because I remembered it being something positive.  I remembered that I finally thought I figured something out.

To some extent I did.  If I keep the house in tip top shape the boy’s life is good.  Even if it means basically killing myself to get it that way.  His life is good.  Although I’m less stressed because I don’t have messy counter tops, I feel too exhausted at the end of the day to do anything but sleep.  No, cleaning the counter top doesn’t exhaust me.  I’m not that ridiculous.  It’s the constant, CONSTANT job of making sure no one puts anything on it and if they do it’s removed promptly or he won’t love me.  Still, not trying to be ridiculous but that is how it is.  If it’s not clean, I’m a pig and he immediately goes into his own world where I don’t respect him enough to have a clean counter top.

I’ve let it slide recently.  Not because I’m trying to prove a point but more because I just can’t keep up.  My family is messy; husband included.  They have it in their mind that “Mom will take care of it” because that’s what I do.  I don’t mind if they are actually trying to do the right thing.  But when it’s just crap left out because no one wants to put it away…..  I’m the one not loved.