I’m still floating around in my marriage hoping that one day things will be better.  It just seems like a lost cause most days.  

He turns his cheek to kiss me.  We NEVER have sex.  I rarely ever get a kiss when he comes home.  He barely acknowledges that I exist in the wife department.  I fucking hate it.  I feel as though he loathes me.  He says he’s too stressed from work to be aroused.  I’m calling bullshit.  

Our communication sucks worse than anything else.  He refuses to talk to me about anything other than what is needed for us to parent our children.  I fucking hate it.  He’s not being mean about it, he just doesn’t see why it needs to happen.  WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?!?!??!  

I dreamed about Frank the other night and for the first time in a long time I woke up feeling loved.  And it was just a freaking dream.  It wasn’t even real.  I can’t even begin to describe how sick and disgusted I feel about that.  It makes me want to call a psych immediately to find out whats wrong with me.  But it felt wonderful to have SOMEONE tell me I’m not crazy for wanting to be loved by a man that said he would love me.  

Tonight will be the night we discuss it for the last time.  I can’t even begin to think about how it will go but I also can’t live like this any longer.  And for him to think it’s OK.