It sucks when people you love hurt you. There is no other way to put that. When this happens to me no less then a million reasons travel through my brain as I try and figure out why. Why? Why did they want to do this to me? Did you know you were hurting me as you did it? If so, why did you continue? Why don’t I matter?
My husband hates traveling on Sundays. Hates it. He had to travel last weekend. We were NOT in a good place. I was so upset & humiliated I couldn’t sleep. The problem was it was going on for so long I could no longer handle not sleeping. It was literally eating me alive. I felt as though I was being consumed from the inside out. So much energy spent on anger & frustration. Yet, he seemed to walk around as if nothing was wrong….
I sent him a text since he was out hunting and I couldn’t take it any longer. And by the time he got back, our kids would be awake and there would be 0% chance for us to talk. It didn’t really do any good except let him know I was furious. He didn’t come in early and our kids were awake when he finally opened the door. We had a horrible day. He left, kissed me goodbye, asked if I still loved him and went on his way. I hardly knew where he was going let alone flight details.
That evening I sent him an email since he didn’t return any other forms of communication. I laid it all out. In its entirety. He responded. He didn’t intend to hurt me. He didn’t see it how I saw it. He didn’t think it was so bad. He sees why I might think so though. I don’t even know how to respond to that. It wasn’t really an apology. He still thinks since he wasn’t intending to hurt me and make me feel like less of a person that he wasn’t at fault. Interesting.
After he came home we had a talk. I, again, laid it all out in front of him. I explained in great detail why I felt the way I did. He understands. I explained that I am waiting for him to explain his thought process and I fully intend to listen.
It’s amazing what happens when you open you mind. It’s amazing what happens when you practically force someone to talk to you with complete and open honesty and they actually do it. I may not fully understand this man I call my husband. In fact I can almost guarantee he will make me upset with this same thought process in the future. I hope I can see it and remind him of it before the bad stuff happens. It really boils down to communication styles and opening your mind.
“Anything worth having requires work; a lot of hard work.” I can’t think of a better quote than that and I don’t have a clue who it belongs to. If anyone knows, fill me in so I can give proper credit. But I heard that once and it’s true meaning hits me very hard.