Staying at home with my children has been wonderful. I love being with them. I’m thankful that I have the opportunity to do so. In doing so I’ve given up my professional career and an educated social circle. I know it makes it sound like all stay at home parents are dumb and uneducated. That’s not my intent. The vast majority of stay at home parents I know are educated like me. The only difference between me and the others around me are there are only one or two others whose spouses are highly educated professionals. And for some reason this is making all of the difference in how I relate to those around me.
We live in a small town. It’s small enough that people know if you are a transplant. I walk into the local grocery store and I stick out like a sore thumb. But I’m from a small town; even smaller than this one so I get it. I understand the defense mechanism that rises when someone like myself comes in and starts asking questions.
My social circle is made up largely of Mom’s who are originally from here and have never left. If that isn’t the case they have never held a professional role so they aren’t aware of certain social behaviors. They don’t understand what is acceptable and not when attending professional social events. Now I’m not expert in etiquette but I do know a few things since I’ve been around the block a few times.
I crave that social atmosphere. I need to belong to something that is higher than the average. I like to surround myself with highly successful people because I feel like it challenges me to become a better person. I don’t mean that I need to be around popular people or celebrities; just people who take pride in what they do and who they are yet are very humble. Being at stay at home Mom doesn’t just provide that opportunity. You need to know the right people in order to maintain that.
Yet another discussion last night led me to try to explain why I want to fit in with my husband. He doesn’t get how someone can be provided with so much yet be so unhappy. I have a full bank account, nice house, newer car, great kids….. I try to explain my desire to belong to something outside of these four walls. I am “working” 24/7. I never get away from this. At least he gets to leave his work and come home to this. I never leave. My job is never done. And I get that it comes with being a good Mom. I understand that. But it’s not as fulfilling to me because I know I’m capable of much more. I want my kids to see that I can be a good Mom and still do good things. I want them to see the opportunities that we have as a family because of what their Dad does and is and how we can use that to do more. I want them to be involved. I don’t want them to sit in their own little world waiting for something. I want them to see me at work, doing something good. I want them to see their Dad at work and how much time and effort it takes for us to be where we are. Yet he just thinks I need to be here. With them. I need to teach them this and wait for him to come home to be with us. If I could just let him do the work outside the home and I do the work inside the home we could all be much better.
I am not capable of that.