He’s such a strong man. He’s very independent and stubborn in his ways. I am the same. I’m a strong woman. I am very independent and stubborn in my ways. We clash on these levels (as expected) but are human enough to muddle through them. I pick up where he leaves off on just about everything else. Together we make a pretty good team. And an attractive team. I think we would be the model parenting team if there was such a thing.
I can’t think of any person, who has a soul, that doesn’t like to hear praise for a job well done. It doesn’t necessarily need to be written in lights on the Vegas strip but a little something for the effort goes along way.
He grew up with a single mother. His parents divorced when he was 3 or 4 years old. His dad had an affair. He (his Dad) left. He left his wife and his kid when it was found out. My mother-in-law raised him the best she knew how but they were poor. She owned a bar and worked at a grocery store and the school. He was a latch-key kid. But he was strong willed and strong minded and he was a good athlete. He hung around a decent group of kids and grew up on the streets but in a good way. He tested the rules and he was rude to his mother a lot. He left high school and joined the USMC reserves. He went to the best university in the state and eventually graduated with a J.D. and started his professional career path. He was successful right from the start. I met him a few years into it.
I was a very successful half-educated professional and a young one at that. I grew up in a lower middle-class family. My parents never divorced. I had my issues as a kid but eventually found my way out of them. I left high school and went to a tech school in a city near by. I fell into a great career opportunity and off I went.
Being successful and the best at everything was all he knew. I am very competitive. So is he. I dated some real nut jobs in my day but my self esteem was so low that I didn’t care. I grew some thick skin just so I could fit in and be a part of something. He dated some real winners as well. Seems no one could handle our personalities except for us! I find this funny. We’ve discussed this a few times. We get it. We understand each other. Or at least we did.
Our dreams were to live our life and work our asses off to be wealthy enough to have what we want, provide endless opportunities for our children and remain grounded to our roots as not to forget where we came from. All he’s wanted to do was be the best. In there he lost sight of who he was as a person. But he didn’t care. He wanted me to be happy. He wanted a wife to stay at home and raise the kids. He wants kids to have every opportunity he didn’t have growing up. He wants to absolute best for us and then some. He will go to lengths unknown to provide this. His own needs will be set aside to get to this point. I get it. I want that too.
People are still people. We can be as strong as we want but at the end of the day we need someone to be there and appreciate the work that is done. I have forgotten that even though he is a strong man that could careless what anyone thinks of him, he still needs a wife at his side.
His dad is a social loner. He’s spent so much time alone that he no longer has the capacity to show emotion to other people. It makes him so anxious that I’m sure there is probably some term for what he has. My husband thinks that’s what he’s destined for because he’s failing at our marriage. He’s convinced himself that his path has been predefined to be that. But he is not that. There are no words to define how great of a father he is. He has far surpassed his own in that respect. He sees it but he can’t feel it a lot of times because he lumps that with being a good husband all in one. He’s failing at loving me how I need so he feels that is all that is left out there. There is some sort of genetic trait that he has that causes him to lack this emotional desire. He hasn’t always thought this but for the past 3 to 5 years he’s developed this feeling.
I don’t blame myself entirely for this. I blame myself for a large share of it. He says it’s his fault because it’s how he feels. He can’t help how he feels. He doesn’t want to feel this way it’s just how he is. He’s never come out and told me he’s needed me to be his wife. He’s never told me that those little notes I hide in his suitcase actually make him feel good. He’s never told me that he enjoys a small pat on the back for the enormous amount of toil & tears he’s put into his career. He’s never told me anything. If I hadn’t taken time to turn around and look I could probably use this as a valid argument in the blame game and I might even win. But you know what? I don’t believe you always need to ASK someone for such things. Love is considered a basic need for survival. And so is common sense if you think about it. Making someone feel wanted and encouraging them is what being a good spouse and friend is all about. I’ve lost sight of it. I only tell him when we argue about it and I’m pretty sure the message is lost.
I love my husband. I am incredibly proud of him. I hope it’s not too late for him to hear me say that.