Looking back into my marriage I’ve found a lot of really bad stuff. It’s not wonder why we are where we are. It’s so sad to think about. I’ve spent countless hours searching my memory for the perfect answer as to why our marriage is failing. The problem is there is no single reason why it is like this. There is no one thing that either of us did to screw this up.
I’ve read a million articles on “How to Save Your Marriage” and “Secrets of Happily Married People”. Lost in their words they all say something similar and one of those things is gratitude. Are you thankful and what do you do about it? Huh….. Of course I’m thankful. I thank God every day for my healthy children, for a nice house over my head, for a husband that provides for us. I am thankful for a million things and I am grateful in all respects of the word. I give what I can in both time and money to places I see a fit. I do everything I can so my children know what it means to be grateful and thankful. Sounds like I’ve covered that base. However…. It turns out I didn’t cover that base.
I am the biggest failure at showing my husband that I am thankful for him and what he does. It is sickening to think that I thought I was ‘so right’ and he was ‘so wrong’ in our relationship. I can’t ever remember letting him know that what he did and does means the absolute world to me. And that sucks.
So now that I’ve gone years without acknowledging all his hard work and I’ve not shown my kids that showing gratitude knows no age….. I’ve got a lot of work to do.
I am now investing a large amount of my time SHOWING my family, kids and all, what it means to be grateful and thankful. And that I need to practice what I preach. It’s taking my husband by surprise. I’ve told him all of this. He doesn’t think that has anything to do with it. However I know with 100% certainty that the paradigm shift is happening and our attitudes towards each other are turning more positive. I know he needs to feel this from me. I’m not going to try and talk him into agreeing with my theory. He shows me it’s the right thing by how he reacts to me. He does it without realizing it. It’s human nature to want to be loved and appreciated.
I’ve also started working ON our relationship. Moving forward. I spend a lot of time in the past. I want to know why and how things happened. But the truth is, sometimes you spend so much time looking behind you, trying to find your faults, that you end up getting trapped. In the last couple of days, since our awesome date, that I’m talking about our good times. Things we’ve done together and things we can plan to do together. I’m showing him gratitude. I’m allowing myself to see him and not his feelings for me. I know that’s all changed because of who we both were. I get that. I understand that. But I also know that if I don’t start changing how I approach him, I am going to lose him. I need to let work through his feelings. I’ve put some pretty big and stressful blocks in front of him through these years. He’s climbed them every time, even when it was very painful and hard. But he did it. I’ve realized that they did more harm than good. I’ve realized that I need to remove them so he can show me how he needs to be loved. In turn, he’ll love me for how I need to be loved. Because that’s how it works. It’s starting already and it’s working. It’s hard. But anything worth having requires a ridiculous amount of work. That’s what makes it so great.