I’ve never liked this woman. The work wife. Sure, there was a time after I first met her I wanted to have a relationship with her and her family, just the same as any other new employee in his office. It wasn’t long and I realized we were almost polar opposites. She definitely has a competitive nature about her. Sort of cut throat at times. Confident at times and not afraid to take a risk. Good worker. It was after she had her second child (which was shortly after I had my second) that I realized she just wasn’t wired right. She was an awful mother. Awful. The things she did or more so did not do to care for her child had me dumbstruck. Her husband stays home with the kids. It’s clear that she depends on him to solely care for them. All that aside, I watched her assert her alpha female nature in my husbands office. It was very clear from the beginning that she was going to run that show. Which is fine. She took to the job very well. So well in fact that she pushed her kids & husband aside to make her career shine. (Take note, I realize my husband was doing this same thing. Trust me…. I know. I spent many hours alone.) Her husband asked her to prioritize her work more but she pushed on. In fact, he talked to my husband about decreasing her work load because it was causing them so many problems. They were going to counciling to determine how to navigate her success. Her husband was clearly not comfortable with this situation. I knew all of this information. I watched it all happen. She was a great employee for him and she knew it. She knew that she controlled a lot of the small things in that office that made his life easier because no one else was capable of doing it. She knew that his office was exploding with success and they could barely keep up with it. She used all of this information to back him into a corner & ask for more. Almost demand more than what he felt was warranted. After some serious depressing thoughts on his part and not believing she was putting him into this predicament, he gave in and gave her what she was asking for. It took him some time to deal with that. I fully remember looking into how to deal with his sort of “depression” over it. He’ll deny it was that bad today. But at the time he was very much bothered by it because he told me about it.
Over the course of time more people came and left the office. Hind sight tells me it’s because they knew that competing with her wasn’t worth it. The intensity of the job itself was high and add alpha female with a very manipulative personality and I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to deal with it. And just for good measure I’ll share the fact that after my husband purchased a new car, she got the exact same one. Just a year older. Huh…… we all found this odd and partly disturbing. The success of the office was incredible and she worked her ass off for him to help him get there. Keep in mind there is a very unhappy husband and now 3 children waiting for her at home. There is an increasingly less patient wife and 3 children waiting for my husband. As the success continues, she knows wants partner. He knows in order to keep her there he will have to make her partner. At some point she realizes that our marriage isn’t going so well either. They start to talk about this. We all know where that leads. He was so desperate for a connection with someone who understood him. I, to this day, firmly believe she knew this and knew this was one way to seal her fate with him. It doesn’t take blame away from my husband because he made the conscious decision to have the affair, just as she did. But he did it because he truly believes that her attention and pride for him was genuine. Maybe.
As the news of the affair was breaking it appears that she was more distraught over the fact that she was a hated person. She feels this was very selfish and so does he. In fact I believe she is more hurt because she sees how badly my husband was taking this. It wasn’t until days later that she learned that the entire office suspected their affair and was most concerned about herself not finding a new job if everyone found out. Really???? You really think you can continue to work at this place regardless of the office finding out??? Apparently she’s realized that she might not be able to now. She said she was going to start applying for jobs out of state.
I firmly believe she knew was she was doing this entire time. I think she is mourning the fact that it’s going to be taken away from her. And not that he wants to do that to her because he does genuinely care for her as a person (desperation will do that do anyone) but he knows they can not work together without fighting the relationship because of how close they were.
I talked to my therapist about this today. I acknowledge that it might be just my way of coping with things. Perhaps. But what is for certain is she has always been a manipulative person who will do whatever it takes to get ahead. Once getting to know her, I didn’t like her. Felt obligate to pretend, so I did. I’ve never been jealous of her. Never. I feel like I was supposed to. I asked my therapist about that as well. I literally feel nothing for her. Nothing. I just know that I never liked her to begin with. I’ve told this to people a few years ago. People that know her and have agreed. I know I’m not just saying that now because of the affair. If you told me a year ago that she died. I’d feel the same as I do today. And that is sadness for her kids. Because I’m a mom. But that’s about it.