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He came home.  We parented our children.  We put them to bed.  We had wine.  He was quite perturbed about something.  But since we don’t talk about it for now I’ll never know what exactly.  I did ask but I did not get an answer.  We talked about other things instead.  The more wine, the calmer I got.  I thought for sure it would be the opposite.

This morning we woke up together.  Both quite turned on.  I struggled.  But I managed and it was pretty darn good sex.  Different than usual but in a good way.

Next comes real life again.  In to work he goes.  Mistress there and all.  I hate every day he goes to work.  I hate every day he sees her & has to communicate with her.  He says the vast majority of it is work related.  Very little personal stuff but never about the two of them.  I want to believe that.  I really do.  I’m trying.  But it’s incredibly hard.

All in all a better day.  I feel better.  I am trying to get some volunteer work in at a local hospital.  Child Life Services has always been a passion of mine.  They are accepting volunteers for next year so I’m going to get my foot in the door.  He doesn’t like that at all but I’m going to do it anyway.  It’s for me.  I never do anything for me.  It’s always for him and the kids.  Always.

So today I’ll focus on what it takes to be a better me again.  Those are always the best days.  I let him struggle.  I watch.  It’s so painful and difficult and unnatural for me.  But I do it.  With every text & phone call & email he sends my way of more and more difficulty at the office, I’ll remain supportive but silent.  It’s his office.  His people.  He’s made it clear he doesn’t want me involved.  So back I’ll stand and watch it all crumble because he’s too stubborn to accept that his mistress is causing the foundation to crumble.  It’s so hard.

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