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I find myself getting so angry at this whole mess…. more and more.  I woke up angry today because my future is so unknown and after some discussion I found out it’s even more unstable.  And it’s not all because of our rocky marriage.  He needs to make some very significant decisions and it has a huge impact on our family.  Huge.

I don’t feel safe in his decision making ability.  I don’t feel like he sees the entire picture.  I don’t feel like he is going to include me in this decision at all.  He’s going to make this decision based solely on himself and we will have to deal with whatever it is.  I am not comfortable with that.  I don’t believe for a second that is how any of this should be.

The reality is we are not very far into it so there is the chance that he is still trying to organize his thoughts before he brings me into it.  I think what scares me the most is that he has so much on his plate and he doesn’t have a single person to bounce any of this off of.

I feel like if I had a giant white board to make sure he has it all down and has thought of everything that I’d feel better about this.  I hate feeling so unstable and having little control over it.  My inner control freak is screaming right now.