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After a few rough days….. then this happened.

The last warm day of the year was yesterday.  Beautiful fall colors every where.  My husband left to go hunting.  The kids and I played outside.  We created a giant leaf maze.  So much fun!

My father is an alcoholic.  Has been for years.  At least 30.  Probably more.  My mother is naive and speechless.  She drinks too but not as much.  I’ve noticed a shift with them in these last 6 months.  I can’t quite put my finger on it.  Or couldn’t until yesterday.  He’s done this before, I’ve never witnessed it.  I’ve always rescued my mother from what must be a terrible horror of your husband threatening suicide.  Multiple times.  But this time was different.  I’ve noticed the shift and complete unpleasantness between them in the last week.

Yesterday afternoon while playing with my children I receive a phone call from my father’s cellphone.  He is incredibly drunk.  He mumbled through some words and best I could make out was that him and my mom got into a huge argument.  He never calls me about these.  Never.  He was sad and angry.  He told me he loved me and he loved the kids so much.  Then he hung up.  I called my brother.  He got the call too.  I tried to call my mother.  She didn’t answer.  I knew where my father was and decided I needed to go.  He was not at home so that meant he was going to drive some place at some time if he didn’t pull the trigger.

I text my husband to come home as I needed to deal with a drunk suicidal father.  As mentioned earlier this has happened before and my husband gets rather angry.  I suspected that I would receive some flack from him about pulling him out of the deer stand on a nice afternoon.  But without a question he came home.  He continued the game with the kids and off I went.  I didn’t have to tell him what to make for supper, what to do with the kids and when.  Nothing.  I didn’t have to tell him when I’d be home.  Nothing.  I just left.

After a night of having a loaded pistol thrown around in my face, none of which was intentional, and a whole lot of honest conversation with my mother that was LONG overdue, I came home.  I got my father to put down his loaded weapon.  I got my mother to stop talking to him.  I got him to bed.  I made sure she was safe.  My brother removed the pistol from the property.  I came home.

In the middle of this mess I received a text from my husband saying he fed the kids, they all at well, they were all showered with PJs on and watching a movie before bed.  My heart was happy for him.  Happy for my kids.  Thankful for us.

I came home to a glass of wine sitting on the table next to the couch.  All dishes done, lunches packed for the next day, clothes picked out, & school assignments ready to go.  All I needed to do was change my clothes and unwind from a horrific night.

No questions asked.  Nothing assumed and no expectations.  It meant the absolute world to me.  And then this morning after being awake for half of the night, squeezed me tight.  I did ask for it.  But he didn’t hesitate.  He didn’t sigh.  He just did it.  I needed that.