Apparently there are some marriages that have things they just can’t talk about. There are events that occur within the marriage and for whatever reason the couple just can not discuss this event safely. They understand the points or direction of the other spouse but do not agree with it. They both want to move on. They both own whatever stake they had in the past event but there is no “resolution” or compromise or anything. It just is what it is. There is no taking back what happened. There is no un-doing of the past. You just have to accept it for what it is and move on. And this actually works for a lot of people. I’m sure as time passes it gets easier. Or maybe I hope this is the case.
Most days I find this comforting. At the same time I hate that it seems as though we are going to pretend it didn’t happen. There are no consequences for our actions. I hate that. It’s a constant struggle because I feel like I’m paying for it the most. At the end of the day if I really try hard to put the pieces together I know that it’s more even than I feel. But more often than not I don’t want to try that hard.