Since my dramatic encounter with an alcoholic suicidal father, many thoughts have run across the ticker tape in my head. So many things he said during his rage that are so conflicting. I can see a soul begging for someone to understand him. I can see a soul regretting mistakes of the past and just wanting to move on. I can see foolish pride ruling his mind and overthrowing every logical thought.
I just finished watching, “Gods Not Dead” this week. There are some thoughts I had on some of the points of the movie. And I also find it pretty awesome that I’ve had to encounter these same questions the week prior. I probably should have made it more of a priority to watch the movie last week so I would have actually had an answer!
Regardless…. The number one statement I hear when talking about God is “Why does he let bad things happen to good people?” “Why does childhood cancer even exist?” “How can God allow these wars to go on and ISIS to behead people?” You get the picture. I’ve always known the answer to that. Two words: Free will.
God gives people the ability to choose. God is not controlling. God allows people to go about their day and doesn’t interject himself in their life if they don’t want him there.
One of the parts of the movie has a very successful young man sitting in the room with his mother who has dementia. He says something like, “You’ve been perfect your entire life. You served your God and done nothing wrong. But now look at you. You are in a home with no memory of anything you’ve ever had. And then there is me. I am so great & successful and my life is absolutely perfect….” Her response went something like this, “You are in that place right now because that is where the devil wants you. He knows when you fail you will turn to God and he does not want that. ….”
This very scene reminded me of my husband. The year of his affair was his best year professionally. He has made the most money and had the best year financially. He was on top of the world and his mistress at his side.
It’s hard to come down from that. It’s hard to give that up. But it was truly the work of the devil. He is now living with the fallout from those decisions. Every decision he made was for all of the wrong reasons. It’s so hard to see that if your life is “perfect”. Especially when you start making the right decisions and it seems as if they are the worst. The pain and suffering and the loss from doing the right thing now is terribly hard for him. But this isn’t the work of God. God is not making his life miserable because he wants him to continue to pay for his actions. God is not controlling his clients or his other co-workers trying to make his life miserable. For the first time, he is able to see the world through clear eyes and that is the work of God. He is living in the wake of years of decisions made for the wrong reasons. It’s terrible and horrible to watch. So many days I wish he didn’t have to do it because I hate to see him in pain. Yet he needs to go through it. There are many days yet when he fights it all. He fights it and wants to go back to the time where he felt like he owned the world. And I know in a heartbeat Miss Thing would step back up on the pedestal and go through it all again just to be with him.
If I could only tell him that it will work out. It will get better. Keep pushing your way through the mess. Keep on praying for help. Just because you abandoned God in your power hungry trip to the top doesn’t mean he won’t accept your call for help. He will help you through this. All of this. You just need to ask for his help and learn to forgive yourself. You don’t have to carry the burden of it all. Let God lift some of it off your shoulders and lighten your heart. And after you do, make the decisions for the right reasons. Use your talents for good. Let the success you draw from that be celebrated but let it be known that it wasn’t of your own doing. You did it while keeping God first.
It’s free will that all of this is possible. God isn’t forcing forgiveness or mercy or grace on anyone. All you have to do is ask. Free will.