• About

impossibletopredict

~ Just another WordPress.com site

impossibletopredict

Tag Archives: please forgive my judgements

The Spring Break Funnies

25 Monday Mar 2013

Posted by ImpossibleToPredict in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

beach, beautiful women, please forgive my judgements, spring break, ugly men

Went to a popular spring break destination with my husband last week.  He had a conference. I was there for the beach.  

I’m not very pregnant but you wouldn’t have guessed that by looking a me.  I had to purchase other clothes the night before because I’m so huge already!  Anyway, here are a few funny things from our “vacation”.

-1-  While riding in an elevator in a very swanky hotel, a group of very young girls join me.  I’m in a nice dress & heels with a very growing midsection.  These girls are in see through cover ups wearing a very small bikini tops & thongs.  One very classy girlie says, “Oh my gosh you are adorable!!  Are you preggers?”  My thoughts:  “Preggers?  Did she just say preggers?  When did that become a word and why would you say it to a complete stranger?”  What I really said was, “Oh thank you! Yes, I am pregnant!”  Classy Girl:  “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”  me:  “No, it’s too early to tell and we never find out ahead of time.”  CG:  “Just so you know it’s a boy.  You are straight out.  Girls make your hips really wide and your butt really big.  You have neither so you are having a boy.”  me:  “OK?”  CG:  “do you care which one you have?”  me:  “no, I already have one of each at home so we are just excited add another to the mix.”  CG:  “oh my god are you serious??  Wow.  congratulations……  ”  I could totally tell she was thinking “wow, you are preggers with your third baby and you are here for spring break.  the fat, old lady on the beach.  awesome”

As I arrived the the hotel to get my key, I waited in line behind a group of young college boys.  It was very evident they had be drinking.  One of the kind gentleman puts his arm around me, asks me where I’m from, and tells me the service here sucks.  Excellent.  My response:  “You can take your arm off of me.”  CG:  “oh I’m sorry?”  me:  “Thanks, I throw up when strangers touch me.  It’s an awful side effect of this pregnancy”  The young man failed to notice my gigantic stomach but when he did,he bolted up to his buddies as if he was expecting papa bear to come around the corner at any time and beat his ass.

OK this one isn’t very funny.  But the women on this beach are beautiful.  yes, they all have fake everything and they look like clones.  But if you are a man, you are not disappointed with the selection of eye candy.  The men on this beach are awful.  Just plain awful.  I made this comment to my husband (in b/t fights of course, why not?  See previous post!):  “Why do you get all of the eye candy and I get nothing?”  I then stated that he should feel proud of himself for being the best looking man on the beach.  I think he was pretty proud of himself.  Still…  it was pathetic.  Allegedly he had not noticed the lack of acceptable men there.  Why not?  I notice the women?  Anyway.  That said I suggested he pay attention.  The next 30 men we saw proved my point to the tee.  They were either so skinny that their skinny jeans were baggy and I’m fairly certain if they gas too much they’ll blow themselves over!  They have no muscle tone what so ever.  It’s gross.  Then there are the dorks.  The guys that having figured out that socks and sandals really aren’t cool.  They come complete with fanny packs & pocket protectors.  Following those gems were the fatties.  The guys that have larger breasts then mine and I’m pregnant.  If they didn’t fit those categories, they were jocks that resembled apes.  Men with muscles so large you know they have small penises from all of their steroids.  They practically drag their knuckles for God’s sake.  One of them couldn’t figure out how to put the fitted sheet on the cushion he for his cabana that he rented for him and his beautiful honey at his side.  She didn’t bother to help figure out the sheet so I figured that neither one of them did this at home.  Either they didn’t change their sheets ever of they have maids/butlers!  I was able to find a very special man that managed to change from his droupy drawers into this very small speedo right in front of me.  He tried the “changing in the towel” trick but the slot of the towel happened to be open in my direction.  Yep, I got to see his junk.  Awesome.  Apparently sprawling out next to a large pregnant lady on the beach poses no threat.  After that little number bachelor number 3 showed up on the beach in his flapper hat and a metal detector at his side.  He found a few coins right in front of me.  I think he was showing off.  

Advertisements

Recent Posts

  • Single, Looking to Mingle
  • Coming Clean
  • Prayers for My Broken Marriage
  • Just Living
  • Real Love and Loving Enough

Archives

  • December 2018
  • July 2016
  • June 2016
  • November 2015
  • October 2015
  • September 2015
  • June 2015
  • March 2015
  • February 2015
  • January 2015
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012

Other Good Reads…

  • The Fickle Heartbeat
  • B. Due
  • THE RIVER WALK
  • a husband. a wife. a family. a life.
  • Jason B. Ladd
  • Happily. Ever? ..After
  • My Life is a Soap Opera
  • Life. Post. Affair.
  • Relationship malarkey
  • Lady J Revisited
  • Confessions of a Teenage Runaway
  • Godinterest
  • Count it all joy
  • Fisticuffs and Shenanigans
  • daddydoesdating
  • Ritual of Desecration
  • Addicted to Quippsy
  • Hemingway Run
  • midwestmonologue
  • Tinkerbellknits
Advertisements

Blog at WordPress.com.

The Fickle Heartbeat

A blog about love or lack thereof

B. Due

Motivated to Love this New Chapter in Life

THE RIVER WALK

Daily Thoughts and Meditations as we journey together with our Lord.

a husband. a wife. a family. a life.

Just trying to survive

Jason B. Ladd

Author | Apologist | Entrepreneur

Happily. Ever? ..After

Rising above all the bullshit after my husbands infidelity

My Life is a Soap Opera

MLIASO is a collection of my thoughts and feelings relating to the journey navigating through my husbands infidelity. It has now been over three years and I am still on that ride.

Life. Post. Affair.

Life and marriage after my husband's affair

Relationship malarkey

Relating to others // Daily Blogs

Lady J Revisited

Still Climbing

Confessions of a Teenage Runaway

My Voice... My Story...

Godinterest

Godinterest Christian Social Network is on a mission to tip the scale and shed more light in dark places.

Count it all joy

Spiritual Hope . Joyful Faith . Trust in God

Fisticuffs and Shenanigans

It was all fun and games, until the fisticuffs and shenanigans... -Deutschmarc

daddydoesdating

A journey through the adventures of a newly divorced dating dad,Enjoy the full and frank thrills and spills of a guy doing his best to be a great father and making a top job of embracing his new found singledom.

Ritual of Desecration

Desecration: the act of depriving something of its sacred character, or the disrespectful or contemptuous treatment of that which is held to be sacred or holy

Addicted to Quippsy

In the not-so-distant future, you'll wish you wrote down everything your kids said. Now's your chance!

Hemingway Run

From Couch Potato To Runner Bean!

midwestmonologue

The real life Carrie Bradshaw sharing stories on love, fashion, and cocktails in the Midwest.

Tinkerbellknits

a place for all my knitting and sewing exploits!

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy